Oh, hi there...

Oh, hello internet user who may or may not have happened upon my blog by chance.

After many failed blog attempts before, I've decided to start a new one just to talk about my weight loss surgery journey and general musings.  My hope is that someone will find me funny and give me a book deal...haha no j/k (but it would be nice!).  My real hope is that someone like me, who may be struggling, will find this and find comfort in knowing they are not the only person suffering.  Like I did.  I seriously thought I was the only person who failed miserably with the LapBand and talking about it to anyone would be a complete embarrassment.  So, what do I decide to do?  Air my dirty laundry.

Yes, I have a LapBand that does.not.work.  The LapBand is touted as the best thing since sliced bread (even though sliced bread will cause you serious discomfort with the band) in the weight loss surgery community.  Way back when it started to get advertized it was described as the safest and best way to lose weight.  Well, guess what?  It's a big 'ol crap shoot.  I'm not a medical professional and a Google search did not turn up any simple, clear statistical answer to LapBand success rates.  Hmm, I wonder why?

Anyway, moving on, I won't completely trash the band because there are people who have done well with it.  However, to quote my current doctor, "Sometimes it just doesn't work for everyone".  It took me four long years to finally come to terms with this.

Here's my story: in 2008 I was 22 years old and just beginning my career in publishing.  I struggled with weight my entire life and I have never been smaller than a size 12.  After college, I BALLOONED to a size 18 and was miserable.  I had friends and family who had weight loss surgery but I never ever thought I'd get approved because I had no real medical issues such as diabetes or sleep apnea.  Well, long story short, I did get approved and wowie wow I was so excited.  I thought to myself FINALLY, I'm going to be skinny!  Come May 2008, I had my LapBand procedure. 

Looking back on all this now, I was not prepared.  I did little to no research and was just so elated that I actually got approved that I jumped in head first.  All I could see was that little, skinny, beautiful me (in a bikini of course) at the end of the tunnel.  I lost 50lbs initially with the band in the first year but it was all down hill from there. 

It's now 2012 (in case you didn't know) and I'm back to the weight and size I began at.  It's been a long rough journey with horrible doctors who didn't care for me, being depressed, feeling like a huge (literally) loser/failure, and just generally being frustrated.  I felt like there was nothing I could do, no doctor would help me, they all blamed me for the failure of the band.  I gave up trying not too long ago.  I was so completely fed up that I just came to the belief that I will be like this forever and hate myself for wasting precious time and money on making the band work for me. 

Last month, I came to my breaking point.  I was tired of being this size, tired of hating myself, feeling gross, tired of getting food stuck and puking it up, tired tired tired TIRED!  I thought let me give this one.last.shot.  Third time's the charm right?  Having seen two previous doctors who wanted nothing to do with revising me I figured try one more doctor.  My ultimatum was to go in there and say "Either revise this damn thing or just take it out -- I'm better off without it".  Never did I expect this last doctor to say "Hey, you're right.  Let's do something that will actually help you for once".  THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS! 

I still don't believe it.  Now, I have my LapBand removal scheduled for July 13th and, after 6 months of the insurance pre-op approval process, I will hopefully have my sleeve revision surgery in early November - just in time for my 27th birthday!

I look forward to the journey to a new me.  I don't quite see the skinny, beautiful bikini girl at the end of the tunnel because I've been let down before.  Instead, I'm looking for the healthier me who won't be fatigued or winded and just feel good.  I hope you enjoy the rest of my story...

Until next time,
D