A taste for wine, money only for beer.

Well, April just flew right on by!  Spring is in the air and I am almost 7 months out since revision surgery.

Over the last month, I’ve come to realize that I’m sizing out of clothing pretty quickly.  Don’t get me wrong, this is a great thing.  However, clothing is expensive as hell.  Maybe I’m a snob but I really can’t get on board with buying second-hand clothing.  I just can’t.  I make it a point to shop the hell out of a clearance rack but sometimes you just can’t always get everything you need from a clearance rack.  My mother always tells me that I have a "taste for wine, but money only for beer". 

Last month, I went through every article of clothing I currently own including my spring/summer clothes.  Being that I weighed well over 200 pounds last summer, you can imagine that nothing fits.  I kept maybe 10 tops that are probably even looser now (I haven’t really been able to wear warm weather tops because the weather is so fickle in NYC!).  The rest of the clothes went to my sister who has lost weight with RNY and needs clothes just as bad as I do.  So, here I am, with the summer approaching and I have zero clothes that are appropriate for warm weather.  No bathing suit, no capris, no dresses, etc.

I’ve always loved to shop, even when I was over 200 pounds.  I love clothes and I can’t help it.  I’m a shopaholic.  There, I said it.  My name is Danielle and I have a shopping problem.  Losing weight has only made this worse.  I’m shopping every week for new clothing items.  Granted, I really do need some summer staples to get by but I also really need a bathing suit, new bras, new undies, and new shapewear!  I have two weddings coming up in June and I have no dresses appropriate to wear for a wedding.  I have a vacation coming up in July.  I am literally hemorrhaging money.  I would rather not eat in order to have money for clothes.  Does anyone else see this as a problem because I’m beginning to think it is?  It is sort of comical but at the same time I just cannot afford it!  I need to save for vacation fun money (not to mention travel expenses) and for moving costs which will be happening sometime in September or October. 

Really, I think this is a happy problem to have for most people but not when I’ve always been a shopping addict.  Whatever, it is what it is and I DO need clothing!  I just have to try to budget better and not spend $100 a week on clothing.  I’ve purchased three pairs of capris (1 casual, 2 sateen), a cheap Target bathing suit, two maxi dresses, and 3 jersey short dresses for summer wear.  I have copious amounts of t-shirts and jeans but who wants to wear jeans in the summer?  I will be rotating those 5 dresses each day of the week haha. 

In other exciting shopping news, I’m now a size 12 in jeans/pants and formal dresses, a size SMALL in shirts (say what?) and a size medium in jersey/knit dresses.  Who would’ve thought?  My weight loss has slowed down quite a bit but I’m also not being as diligent as I should.  I’ve lost 9lbs since my last post in March.  Not terrible, but not exactly what I want for the next month going forward.  My goal is to lose 10-12 pounds and my belly “pooch” by mid-June.  Why?  So I can wear a super sexy, skin tight blue dress that I bought for one of said weddings I will be attending.  I know it is achievable by busting my ass at the gym and wearing my fat slimming workout belly belt.  I will do it!

(a gratuitous selfie shot in my first ever size small shirt)

I’ve been dabbling with Rent the Runway recently as well.  I have never before thought I could actually fit into a designer dress but RTR carries some dresses up to size 16!  I’m thinking to myself, what the hell?  Give it a shot!  However, it is sort of scary to choose a dress online and hope to hell one of the sizes they send you (because you get two) will fit in the short rental period which is usually around 4 days.  If it doesn’t fit at all they will overnight you a new dress but what if THAT one doesn’t fit at all and now it’s the day OF or the day BEFORE your event and you are super screwed.  I’ve been having daily RTR anxiety about this because I have no idea how designer dresses will fit and no amount of descriptions and reviews will calm my anxiety over whether or not this dress will fit ME.

Well, just this week, my anxiety has been quelled.  Rent the Runway must’ve read my mind seeing how many times a day/week/month I was searching on their website (gotta love online marketing point and click tracking) because they sent an email to visit the SOHO showroom!  What fortuitous circumstances!  I work in SOHO.  Okay, I’ll stop the cheese-fest now.  Needless to say, I made an appointment for $25 which they give back to you as store credit.  All you do is fill out a survey describing your body type, age, and what you’re looking for and also a few links to dresses on the RTR website that you like.  A style/fit specialist will meet with me at my appointment after reviewing this information and pull dresses for ME based on what I want.  I mean, how amazing is this?  I can try on a few dresses and see if they fit me at all and get personal styling tips. 

I’m super excited.  I’m sort of concerned that these designer dresses won’t fit me at all but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by my body and trying on clothes lately so maybe it will work out.  I have another wedding in October that is black tie formal and I would love to rent a designer gown and be super fabulous.  If RTR isn’t meant for me, then it isn’t meant for me.  I feel confident and good about where my body is at right now.  I am aware that I am curvy and designer dresses may not fit my body type but I’ll be okay with it.  And that is a big change from where my head was at this time last year.   I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the changes to my life brought around by this surgery have just been amazing.  I’m so glad to have had the courage to stand up for myself and revise.

Now, time to do some online shoe shopping…;)  hehe.

My stats thus far:

Pre-Op weight: 234 lbs

Surgery weight: 226 lbs

Current weight: 167.2 lbs

Total loss: 66.8 lbs!!!!!!

Luck of the Irish!

Here I am, the Friday of St. Patrick’s Day weekend and I can’t help but be corny and say how lucky I am.  Life has been amazing and very busy since I last updated.  I’ve lost another solid 10lbs this past month and am now below my lowest weight with my band and in a size 14 jeans!  I haven’t been a 14 since freshman year of college (that's ten years, folks)!  I truly cannot believe it.

There’s a part of me that still feels like this will all slowly slide away and I will gain the weight back but I’m trying to keep those evil thoughts at bay.  I have to consider that I’ve never eaten the way I eat now ever before.  I do go off plan every now and then but for the most part, I stick to it.  I’m still not very good with protein but it remains one of my goals to get better with it.  I just have to suck it up and suck down a protein shake.  I don’t know if I can handle it every day but I will try for every other day.  I also bought Quest protein bars and surprisingly, they don’t taste nasty.  I really didn’t like the Quest Peanut Butter cups at all but the protein bars are good.  They are a bit weird and remind me of taffy (the consistency) but the flavors are fine.  I try to eat a half bar either for breakfast or as a snack.  So far the best flavors are the ones without chocolate in them.  There’s just something about fake tasting chocolate that gets to me.  Banana Nut Muffin, Cinnamon Roll, and Vanilla Almond Crunch are ones that I would consider reordering (they are clearly good breakfast choices).

As far as eating goes, I eat normally now.  No restrictions and everything goes down great (meaning leafy greens and fruits which would get stuck with the band!).  I really try to pay attention to my carb intake and when I have a bad week of carbs, I know I won’t be losing much for that period of time.  I really lose weight when I keep my carbs below 40 grams a day for 5 days at a time.  I’m still not very good with tracking my food or making great decisions on weekends but that is a continuing struggle in my journey.  I’m just too busy on the weekends sometimes!  Or not busy at all and I just don’t want to think.  Not great thinking but it is what it is. 

Lastly, I’ve just signed up to do the Color Run in Brooklyn in September.  I don’t like running at all but I really want to do the Couch to 5K program and try to jog/run the Color Run.  Not to mention that running will really help my thighs slim down more.  Even though I’ve lost a lot of weight, my thighs have always been my problem area.  I’m just very bottom heavy and I need to work my legs out more.  There’s a gym at my job and while it is small, it is cheap and easy to work out.  So why not come in a little early in the morning and do a run?  I’m not usually a morning person but I can make it happen.  I want to BE a morning person.  I think exercising in the morning will give me more energy and then I don’t have to worry about working out when I get home.  I find that I really haven’t worked out a lot in the past few weeks because when I get home, I’m dog tired and it’s easy to find an excuse not to workout.  Not to mention that my kickboxing gym is 20+ blocks from my house, if I don’t go straight there from work, I ain’t going at all.  I’m also too much of a social butterfly.  I’ve had too many things to do after work in the past couple of weeks that I just really haven’t had the time to work out when I get home.  So, I think that trying to do it in the mornings at work is better than nothing at all.  It probably will suck for the first week but I think if I can make it a regular routine, I’ll get it done. 

I’m going to leave you with a pic of me from this past weekend looking svelte and loving every second of it.  I can’t help but feel amazing and smile when I look at this picture.  I’ve come such a long way and dammit I will brag about it!  :)

My stats thus far:

Pre-Op weight: 234lbs

Surgery weight: 226lbs

Current weight: 176.3 – that’s a total loss of almost 58 pounds!! YOWZA.

Where's the beef?

Or protein, that is. 

About two weeks ago, I went for a follow up appointment with my surgeon and nutritionist (who I will refer to as NUT going forward).  Both were really pleased with my progress but the NUT wants me to up my protein.  Right now, I’m getting maybe 40-50grams a day and for a post-op patient, that is mediocre.  I need to be somewhere closer to 80-100grams but it is hard to achieve that without a) drinking protein shakes, blech! Or b) eating a shit ton of calories.

I refuse to drink protein shakes.  They are disgusting and I can say that because I have tried almost every flavor under the sun.  Chocolate, vanilla, coffee, fruity, yuck, yuck, and yuck.  I also am not a big fan of greek yogurt (or any yogurt for that matter) or fish.  I am the worst picky eater for this whole protein regime.  I’m also not cleared for nuts just yet sooo, there’s that.

I’ve been trying to make majority of my meals lean protein and reduced fat cheeses to help up the protein but it isn’t enough and lord is that bo-ring!  I need variety!  I recently made a trip to Trader Joe’s because I have been hearing a lot of good things about some of their products on WLS forums.  These fancy, upper crust grocery stores are really a trip for me.  Whole Foods overwhelms me completely and I often leave with nothing but TJ’s was, dare I say it, normal?  I’m not an organic food nut but it is really great to know that pretty much everything in their store is organic (hello clean eating!).  I ran in there to grab only one or two frozen items but I wanted oh so much more!  I picked up Fontina & Spinach Stuffed Mushrooms, Chili-Lime Chicken Burgers, “Just Sauce” Turkey Bolognese, Pizza al Pollo Asado, and almond meal.  Random, yes?  Originally I just wanted to get the stuffed mushrooms and chicken burgers but everything else looked soooo good! 

(totally stolen from TJ's website)

So far I’ve eaten the stuffed mushrooms and the pizza.  The stuffed mushrooms are great stats for post-op eating.  Low calories and pretty good protein, 9grams for two!  The pizza maybe wasn’t the best option but I shared it with my husband.  It wasn’t the most flavorful meal but it was tasty.  I have yet to try the rest of my purchases but I have big plans! I want to use the Turkey Bolognese for a spaghetti squash bake and the almond meal is good for breading chicken and also for baking!  The burgers I was hoping to have for lunch every now and then but I honestly forgot about them in my freezer until this blog post.  I will definitely try them soon.

I think TJ’s will become a supplemental grocery trip for my post-op needs.  I can’t shop for everything there because it is too far from home so anything I buy, I gotta carry.  Regardless, these finds are good but aren’t the highest in protein count.  I really don’t know what to do about my protein but I must up it somehow because I already feel my body slowing down with weight loss. I’m still losing but it’s been sluggish since the holidays.  I’d like to say I will suck it up and just drink a shake but I highly doubt that will happen.  Instead, I plan on getting PB2 and using that for protein supplement.  I’m going to bake protein bars with PB2 and also use it as a peanut butter alternative.  I read somewhere that you can drink it just with milk too…we shall see!  Next post will be filled with fun food porn.  Until then!

My stats thus far:

Pre-Op weight: 234lbs

Surgery weight: 226lbs

Current weight: 187.9

Another year over...

I contemplated calling this post "A New Year, A New Me" but I thought that might be a tad cliché.  Also because I'm not really a new person.  I'm still me and that can be taken as either a good thing or a bad thing.  

Let's start where I left off.  Hubby and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving in California visiting family and friends.  Thanksgiving was more difficult food-wise than I thought.  Not because I couldn't figure out to eat but because I actually mourned not being able to gorge myself on my most favorite holiday.  I couldn't stuff myself with turkey, potatoes, stuffing, green beans, bread, pie, etc and that made me sad.  I know this sounds ridiculous, but I hadn't really gone through the typical weight loss surgery patient food mourning period.  On this day, I realized just how different my life will be.  I was still able to taste these things but I tried to focus more on the protein and once that was done there wasn't much room for the other stuff.  It was depressing in a way but an eye-opener that I did take the right step with surgery.  But, what to do about my brain?  My head still wants more, more, more and in the past couple of weeks (especially over the holidays) I've realized that I've started some of my old habits again.  Grazing throughout the day and eating more carbs than I should.

Here's what a typical meal looks like for me nowadays (at almost three months post-op!)

Sorry for the lame dark image but here we have mini bacon BBQ turkey meatloaf from skinnytaste, some roasted asparagus, and a perogie.

I was able to eat half the mini meatloaf, the whole perogie, and the asparagus.  But, only because I took my time.  Now, you can really see where my head is at.  Do I need that damn potato filled carb laden perogie?  No, I don't.  It holds no nutritional value and next to nothing in protein.  I wanted it though.  So, I ate it.  This has been happening more often as of late.  Nothing crazy like eating carbs at every meal but I do have more than I should.  I find myself munching on pretzels almost every night. 

That isn't to say I haven't been successful.  Quite the contrary!  I have been very successful and can now boast a 40 pound weight loss and that I am back in ONEDERLAND!  That's huge and amazing to me.  My clothes are becoming looser and I've gone down a size in pants.  Even the new pants I bought in a lower size are starting to get looser.  I am exercising, although not as much as I should, and about 85%-90% of the time I make the right decisions when it comes to food.  But food still rules me and that is a hurtle I need to jump over.

I haven't really decided what to do to get me over this hurtle other than playing with the idea of therapy.  There are other issues that I'd like to see a therapist about and so finding one that covers all these areas will be difficult for me but I need to start somewhere.  My goal in 2013 (because I refuse to have a resolution) is to focus more on me and my health.  I need to stop worrying so much about everything/everyone else and focus on me.  I had this surgery to change my life and in order to do that I have to put my nose to the grindstone and work.  I'm proud of myself that I am taking the steps to find a therapist.  I've tried so far to make an appointment with one therapist I found that covered a lot of my basic requirements but have yet to hear back from her.  Why are therapists such slippery eels so hard to grasp?

In the meanwhile, some other steps I need to take is to meal plan and have variety.  I often find myself eating the same thing every day.  Deli meat, cheese, chicken or ground turkey, more deli meat and cheese and a sugar free popsicle or WW dessert to round out the night.  I'm not always perfect and I eat out more than I should but I have noticed a real change in me.  A change for the better.  I need to be proud of my accomplishments and I cannot fall back into that old rut of "well I screwed up my diet today so to hell with it all!"

So, here's to 2013.  I can't wait to see where I'm at this time next year.  Cheers!

My stats thus far:

Pre-Op weight: 234lbs

Surgery weight: 226lbs

Current weight: 191 - that's right, I hit ONEDERLAND!!! 

Rock you like a hurricane!

It’s been over a week since Sandy and life is starting to get a little bit back to normal.  Thankfully, I live in an area of Brooklyn where we didn’t get hit bad at all, just a few downed trees.  Unfortunately, there are so many people who did not fare as well.  My in-law’s (MIL & BIL), were some of those people.  My husband grew up in a small gated community at the end of Coney Island called Seagate, where his mother and brother still reside.  We also have a bunch of close friends that my husband grew up with still living there.  The devastation in Seagate and Coney Island is unreal.  No one expected Sandy to be this bad.  In Seagate, where once houses stood on the shore, there is just rubble.  My mother in law was luckier than most because she lives in the middle of Seagate.  On their block, pretty much all that happened was basements flooded up to their ceilings.  The houses are still standing but so many lost so much from the flooding.  One friend, who had a basement apartment, posted a sad picture on Facebook of all her belongings being thrown out on the curb.  Yes, they fared better than most but it still hurts to lose so much.

 My mother in law's destroyed basement, water line was to the top of the tv in the corner.

Now, I’ve taken in a refugee kitty that belonged to my mother in law until she can figure out where she can live for the next few months.  Even though husband and I are both allergic, but we're doing okay thus far.  Clean up is going to take a long time.  So much needs to be replaced in these homes in order for them to be livable again.  Some of our friends are staying in Seagate with no power or heat, but they sure do have heart.

In the past week, I’ve been able to move on to mushy food.  My doctor wanted me to do another week of liquids but I told him I just couldn’t do it anymore.  So, he told me to start slowly on mushies and I’m honestly doing great.  I’ve even snuck in something solid here and there but chew chew chewing it until it’s mush (mmm, tasty).  My first mushie meal was at a restaurant!  I know, bad post-op newbie sleeve girl.  My husband and I went to a gourmet Middle Eastern restaurant in our neighborhood called Tanoreen.  Seriously, it’s the best and they are very different from your regular, run of the mill Middle Eastern restaurant.  We got a soft red pepper dip that I took one or two bites of and my main meal was a falafel appetizer portion.  I had just a half falafel mushed up with extra tahini.  My husband had a dish with cauliflower roasted with tahini sauce in it so I took a few bites of that too.  Everything went down fine and it all tasted like HEAVEN after two weeks of liquids.

The first mushie meal that I cooked myself (besides scrambled egg) was pot roast.  I made it in the crock pot so it was extra moist and then pureed it up.

   

Yes, it does look like dog food but it really didn’t taste that bad!  Since then, I’ve been living on farina, yogurt, ricotta bake, cauliflower casserole, refried beans, peanut butter, eggs, and sugar free popsicles.  The ricotta bake and cauliflower casserole recipes can be found at TheWorld According to Eggface, which has been a lifesaving blog for me!  I am, however, starting to get sick of mushies but I’m just trudging along.  I honestly cannot wait to start solids and exercise again.  I feel like that will really kick up my weight loss.  Since surgery on 10/12, I’ve lost 17lbs!  I already feel a difference in my clothing and I feel great.  I’m worried about when I will hit a stall but right now I’m just trying to focus on healing and getting my protein in.  My calories most days are around 500 and protein just about 40-50 grams so, according to my doctor’s plan, I’m doing pretty well!

I do still have some head issues to work out though.  Head hunger has been horrid.  I try to just drink when I think I feel hunger but sometimes it’s really bad.  Yesterday, for example was bad.  I wanted to eat everything and anything.  I even took a small scoop of my husband’s rice that he had at dinner.  I immediately felt guilty (not sick!) and knew that I need to get my head in the game.  If I don’t follow the rules, I will mess up big time and it’s just too early in the game to mess up!  I’m hoping that solids and exercising will really help this.  I have my birthday party planned for the day after I can start solids and I’ve been pinning (via the time-suck/awesome website Pinterest) healthy dips/recipes that I can have a few bites of.  After that, husband and I are headed to California for Thanksgiving!  It will be my first time there and I’m very excited.  My birthday is the Saturday after Thanksgiving and we will be spending it in LA with friends who just moved there.  I hope to have a pleasant meal at a nice restaurant that night.

My stats thus far:

Pre-Op weight: 234lbs

Surgery weight: 226lbs

Current weight: 209 – 9 more pounds to ONEDERLAND!  Yippee!