Let's start where I left off. Hubby and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving in California visiting family and friends. Thanksgiving was more difficult food-wise than I thought. Not because I couldn't figure out to eat but because I actually mourned not being able to gorge myself on my most favorite holiday. I couldn't stuff myself with turkey, potatoes, stuffing, green beans, bread, pie, etc and that made me sad. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I hadn't really gone through the typical weight loss surgery patient food mourning period. On this day, I realized just how different my life will be. I was still able to taste these things but I tried to focus more on the protein and once that was done there wasn't much room for the other stuff. It was depressing in a way but an eye-opener that I did take the right step with surgery. But, what to do about my brain? My head still wants more, more, more and in the past couple of weeks (especially over the holidays) I've realized that I've started some of my old habits again. Grazing throughout the day and eating more carbs than I should.
Here's what a typical meal looks like for me nowadays (at almost three months post-op!)
Sorry for the lame dark image but here we have mini bacon BBQ turkey meatloaf from skinnytaste, some roasted asparagus, and a perogie.
I was able to eat half the mini meatloaf, the whole perogie, and the asparagus. But, only because I took my time. Now, you can really see where my head is at. Do I need that damn potato filled carb laden perogie? No, I don't. It holds no nutritional value and next to nothing in protein. I wanted it though. So, I ate it. This has been happening more often as of late. Nothing crazy like eating carbs at every meal but I do have more than I should. I find myself munching on pretzels almost every night.
That isn't to say I haven't been successful. Quite the contrary! I have been very successful and can now boast a 40 pound weight loss and that I am back in ONEDERLAND! That's huge and amazing to me. My clothes are becoming looser and I've gone down a size in pants. Even the new pants I bought in a lower size are starting to get looser. I am exercising, although not as much as I should, and about 85%-90% of the time I make the right decisions when it comes to food. But food still rules me and that is a hurtle I need to jump over.
I haven't really decided what to do to get me over this hurtle other than playing with the idea of therapy. There are other issues that I'd like to see a therapist about and so finding one that covers all these areas will be difficult for me but I need to start somewhere. My goal in 2013 (because I refuse to have a resolution) is to focus more on me and my health. I need to stop worrying so much about everything/everyone else and focus on me. I had this surgery to change my life and in order to do that I have to put my nose to the grindstone and work. I'm proud of myself that I am taking the steps to find a therapist. I've tried so far to make an appointment with one therapist I found that covered a lot of my basic requirements but have yet to hear back from her. Why are therapists such slippery eels so hard to grasp?
In the meanwhile, some other steps I need to take is to meal plan and have variety. I often find myself eating the same thing every day. Deli meat, cheese, chicken or ground turkey, more deli meat and cheese and a sugar free popsicle or WW dessert to round out the night. I'm not always perfect and I eat out more than I should but I have noticed a real change in me. A change for the better. I need to be proud of my accomplishments and I cannot fall back into that old rut of "well I screwed up my diet today so to hell with it all!"
So, here's to 2013. I can't wait to see where I'm at this time next year. Cheers!
My stats thus far:
Pre-Op weight: 234lbs
Surgery weight: 226lbs
Current weight: 191 - that's right, I hit ONEDERLAND!!!
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